无数人谈过拖延症这个话题，然而他是谈得最幽默的一个。关于拖延症他在TED上做了个14分钟的演讲，全场一次次笑翻了，成为TED史上最幽默现场反响最热烈的演讲之一，到目前为止播放量已经超过3500万。
他是Tim Urban，一位著名的博客写手，30多岁，毕业于哈佛大学，现居纽约，是两家教育科技公司的创办者，同时热爱写作。
他的博客网站叫Wait But Why，专门写3000字以上的长文章，有时三天一篇，有时三个星期才一篇，每个月却平均拥有160万访客和460万访问量连硅谷大咖伊隆·马斯克都是他的读者。
他是一个充满好奇心并喜欢打破砂锅问到底的人，写的全是自己感兴趣的话题，每个话题他至少花40个小时去做研究，然后用幽默浅显的文字写出来，配上自创的火柴人插图有深度，又幽默，爆点满满，几乎每篇文章一出笼就被读者疯转。
就是这样一个堪称优秀的人，竟然宣称自己有严重的拖延症，并且几年前，他就想搞清楚自己究竟为什么会有严重的拖延症。后来，他终于写了篇自我揭秘的文章，结果他收到了上千封电子邮件，发自世界各地、从事各行各业的人，有护士、银行家、画家、工程师，还有非常多的博士生。他们都在写同一句话：“我也有这个问题。”
他解析自己拖延症的文章是轻描淡写的，然而他收到的邮件却一封封有着沉重的文风，人们以非常沮丧的语言告诉他：拖延如何影响了他们的生活，甚至如何夺走了他们的人生梦想……
所以站在TED的讲台上，他告诉大家，他为研究自己的拖延症所做的脑部核磁共振给他带来了哪些答案……
So in college, I was a government major, which means I had to write a lot of papers. Now, when a normal student writes a paper, they might spread the work out a little like this. 在大学，我读的是政府专业。也就是说，我需要写很多的论文。一般的学生写论文时，他们可能会这样安排：So, you know --you get started maybe a little slowly, but you get enough done in the first week that, with some heavier days later on, everything gets done, things stay civil.(看图)你可能开头会慢一点，但第一周有这些已经足够。后期再一点点的增加，最后任务完成，非常的有条理。我也想这么做，所以一开始也是这么计划的。And I would want to do that like that. That would be the plan. I would have it all ready to go, but then, actually, the paper would come along, and then I would kind of do this.我做了完美的安排(看图)，但后来，实际上论文任务一直出现，我就只能这样了。And that would happen every single paper. But then came my 90-page senior thesis, a paper you're supposed to spend a year on. And I knew for a paper like that, my normal work flow was not an option. It was way too big a project. 我的每一篇论文都是这种情况，直到我长达90页的毕业论文任务，这篇论文理应花一年的时间来做，我也知道这样的工作，我先前的工作方式是行不通的，这个项目太大，So I planned things out, and I decided I kind of had to go something like this. This is how the year would go. So I'd start off light, and I'd bump it up in the middle months, and then at the end,所以我制定了计划。决定按照这样的方式工作，这样来安排我这一年。(看图)开头我会轻松一点，中期任务逐渐增加，到最后，I would kick it up into high gear just like a little staircase. How hard could it be to walk up the stairs? No big deal, right?我再全力冲刺一下。整体是这种阶梯式安排，一层一层走楼梯有多难?所以没什么大不了的，是吧?
But then, the funniest thing happened. Those first few months? They came and went, and I couldn't quite do stuff. So we had an awesome new revised plan.但后来，好笑的事情出现了，头几个月时光匆匆而逝，我还没有来得及动工，所以我们明智的调整了计划。And then --But then those middle months actually went by, and I didn't really write words, and so we were here.And then two months turned into one month, which turned into two weeks.然后，中间的几个月也过去了，我还是一个字也没有动，眨眼就到了这里，然后两个月变成了一个月，再变成了2周。And one day I woke up with three days until the deadline, still not having written a word, and so I did the only thing I could: I wrote 90 pages over 72 hours, 一天我醒来，发现离交稿日期只剩3天了，但我还一个字都没写。我别无选择，只能在接下来的72小时里，连续通宵两个晚上赶论文——pulling not one but two all-nighters -- humans are not supposed to pull two all-nighters -- sprinted across campus, dove in slow motion, and got it in just at the deadline.一般人不应连续通宵两个晚上。90页赶出来后，我飞速冲过校园，像电影中的特写慢镜头一样，恰好在截止日期前的最后一刻交上。I thought that was the end of everything. But a week later I get a call, and it's the school. And they say, "Is this Tim Urban?" And I say, "Yeah." And they say, "We need to talk about your thesis." And I say, "OK." 我以为事情就这么完了，但一周后，我接到一个电话，是学校打来的。他们说：“你是Tim Urban吗?”我说：“是。”他们说：“我们要说一说你的毕业论文。”我说：“好啊。”And they say, "It's the best one we've ever seen." That did not happen.It was a very, very bad thesis. I just wanted to enjoy that one moment when all of you thought, "This guy is amazing!" No, no, it was very, very bad. 他们说：“这是我见过最棒的论文。”……当然不可能。论文非常非常的差劲。我只想享受下你们对我的崇拜，想听你们说：“这老兄太厉害了。”没有，其实写的非常差劲。
Anyway, today I'm a writer-blogger guy. I write the blog Wait But Why.And a couple of years ago, I decided to write about procrastination. My behavior has always perplexed the non-procrastinators around me, 不管怎样，我现在成为了一个博客写手，经营着“wait but why”这个博客。几年前，我决定写写拖延这件事。我的行为方式总让身边非拖延者感到不能理解。and I wanted to explain to the non-procrastinators of the worldwhat goes on in the heads of procrastinators, and why we are the way we are.我很想对世界上非拖延者的人解释一下，我们拖延症患者的脑子是什么样的，为什么我们会拖延。Now, I had a hypothesisthat the brains of procrastinators were actually different than the brains of other people. And to test this, I found an MRI lab that actually let me scan both my brain and the brain of a proven non-procrastinator,so I could compare them. 首先我假设，拖延症患者的大脑实际上和其他人的大脑不一样。为了验证这一点，我找了家核磁共振实验室，给我和另一个确定是非拖延症的人，进行了脑部扫描，I actually brought them here to show you today. I want you to take a look carefully to see if you can notice a difference. I know that if you're not a trained brain expert, it's not that obvious, but just take a look, OK? 我好将二者进行对比，今天我带到现场，给大家展示一下。我希望大家仔细观察，看能不能注意到差异。我知道大家并非专业的大脑专家，较难看出他们的差异，但大家不妨先看一眼，如何?So here's the brain of a non-procrastinator. Now ... here's my brain.There is a difference. Both brains have a Rational Decision-Maker in them, 两张是有一点不同，两个大脑都有一个理性决策人，but the procrastinator's brain also has an Instant Gratification Monkey. Now, what does this mean for the procrastinator? Well, it means everything's fine until this happens. 但在拖延症患者的大脑里，还有一个及时行乐的猴子。那这对拖延症患者来说意味着什么呢？这意味着平时没什么异样，[This is a perfect time to get some work done.] [Nope!] So the Rational Decision-Maker will make the rational decision to do something productive, but the Monkey doesn't like that plan, so he actually takes the wheel, 但一旦发生了以下的情况，理性的决策人做出理性的决策，要去做一些实际的工作，但猴子不喜欢这个计划，所以他抢过方向盘，and he says, "Actually, let's read the entire Wikipedia page of the Nancy Kerrigan/ Tonya Harding scandal, because I just remembered that that happened.
说道：“说实话，我们还是去维基百科上查一查NKTH的丑闻吧。”因为我刚想起来还发生过这件事。Then --Then we're going to go over to the fridge, to see if there's anything new in there since 10 minutes ago. After that, we're going to go on a YouTube spiral that starts with videos of Richard Feynman talking about magnets 然后我们会去翻冰箱，看看和十分钟前相比有没有什么新的东西。然后我们去youtobe看一连串的视频，从Richard Feynman谈论磁铁开始，and ends much, much later with us watching interviews with Justin Bieber's mom."All of that's going to take a while, so we're not going to really have room on the schedule for any work today. Sorry!" 一直到很久很久之后看到一个Justin Bieber妈妈的访谈才结束。以上这些事情都得花时间，所以我们今天没有时间再来工作了。Now, what is going on here? The Instant Gratification Monkey does not seem like a guy you want behind the wheel. He lives entirely in the present moment. 所以，到底发生了什么?这个及时行乐的猴子并非你，希望是控制方向的人，He has no memory of the past, no knowledge of the future, and he only cares about two things: easy and fun.他完全生活在当下，没有过去的记忆，也没有未来的概念。他只关注两件事情：简单和开心。Now, in the animal world, that works fine. If you're a dog and you spend your whole life doing nothing other than easy and fun things, you're a huge success!在动物界，这两点完全没有问题。如果你是一条狗，一辈子只追求一些简单和快乐的事，那就是巨大的成功了。And to the Monkey, humans are just another animal species. You have to keep well-slept, well-fed and propagating into the next generation, which in tribal times might have worked OK. But, if you haven't noticed, now we're not in tribal times. 但对猴子来说，人类是另外一个物种，你得正常睡眠、规律饮食、繁衍后代。在原始部落时代，这也没太大问题。但你注意到没有，现在并非原始部落时代，We're in an advanced civilization, and the Monkey does not know what that is. Which is why we have another guy in our brain, the Rational Decision-Maker, who gives us the ability to do things no other animal can do. 我们生活在一个现代文明社会中，而猴子完全不能理解这是什么意思，这也是为什么我们大脑中会有另外一个，理性的决策者，他使人类有能力做到其他动物无法做到的事情。We can visualize the future. We can see the big picture.We can make long-term plans. And he wants to take all of that into account. And he wants to just have us do whatever makes sense to be doing right now.我们能设想未来，可以从大局出发，制定长期计划，他可以把所有这些事考虑在内。希望让我们做出最合理的事情。Now, sometimes it makes sense to be doing things that are easy and fun, like when you're having dinner or going to bed or enjoying well-earned leisure time. That's why there's an overlap. Sometimes they agree. 有时，做一些简单开心的事情是很合理的，比如吃饭睡觉、享受赢得的休闲时光，所以二者也有重叠的部分。有时二者是一致的，But other times, it makes much more senseto be doing things that are harder and less pleasant, for the sake of the big picture. And that's when we have a conflict. And for the procrastinator, that conflict tends to end a certain way every time, leaving him spending a lot of time in this orange zone, 但有些时候，从长远的角度来看，一些更困难不开心的事情，才是合理的事情，所以就出现了冲突。对拖延症患者来说，每次这种冲突到最后的结果都一样，都让他在这片橙色区域里耗费大量时间，an easy and fun place that's entirely out of the Makes Sense circle. I call it the Dark Playground这里很简单很开心，但完全不在合理圈的范围内，我将这个区域称为黑暗操场。
Now, the Dark Playground is a place that all of you procrastinators out there know very well. It's where leisure activities happen at times when leisure activities are not supposed to be happening. 这个黑暗操场，所有的拖延者患者都应该很熟悉，在这里发生了许多，本不应该在此时进行的休闲活动。The fun you have in the Dark Play ground isn't actually fun, because it's completely unearned, and the air is filled with guilt, dread, anxiety, self-hatred -- all of those good procrastinator feelings.你在黑暗操场获得的乐趣，实际并不有趣，因为这并非你应得的。这里的空气充满了内疚、恐惧、焦虑和自我憎恨——这些都是拖延症患者常有的情绪And the question is, in this situation, with the Monkey behind the wheel, how does the procrastinator ever get himself over here to this blue zone, a less pleasant place, but where really important things happen?。所以问题是，在猴子掌握方向盘的情况下，拖延症患者如何进入这边的蓝色区域呢?这里虽然没有这么舒适，但进行的事情都非常重要。Well, turns out the procrastinator has a guardian angel, someone who's always looking down on him and watching over him in his darkest moments -- someone called the Panic Monster. 原来，拖延症患者都有一个守护天使，一个在他黑暗时刻，一直注视和关注他的人，这个人称为惊慌怪兽。Now, the Panic Monster is dormant most of the time, but he suddenly wakes up anytime a deadline gets too close or there's danger of public embarrassment, a career disaster or some other scary consequence. 惊慌怪兽大部分时间都处于休眠状态，但当临近截止日期或有当众出丑的危险时，或出现职业灾难或者其他恐怖情况时，他就会突然醒来，And importantly, he's the only thing the Monkey is terrified of.Now, he became very relevant in my life pretty recently, because the people of TED reached out to me about six months agoand invited me to do a TED Talk.并且最重要的是，他是猴子唯一害怕的东西。最近他也经常出现在我的生活中，因为6个月前，TED的人找到我，邀请我做TED的演讲，Now, of course, I said yes. It's always been a dream of mine to have done a TED Talk in the past. But in the middle of all this excitement, the Rational Decision-Maker seemed to have something else on his mind. 我当然同意了。我一直有个梦想，希望可以“曾经”做过一次TED演讲。但在兴奋之余，理性决策人似乎另有看法。He was saying, "Are we clear on what we just accepted? Do we get what's going to be now happening one day in the future? We need to sit down and work on this right now."And the Monkey said, 他说：“我们清楚刚才答应了什么吗?我们知道未来哪一天会发生什么事情吗?我们应该坐下来马上开始工作。”猴子说："Totally agree, but let's just open Google Earth and zoom in to the bottom of India, like 200 feet above the ground, and scroll up for two and a half hours til we get to the top of the country, so we can get a better feel for India." “完全同意你的看法，但我们先打开google地图，在印度的最南边放大，然后花两个半小时的时间从大约200英尺的高度，慢慢往上滑，直到印度的最北边，这样可以更好地了解印度这个国家。”So that's what we did that day.As six months turned into four and then two and then one, the people of TED decided to release the speakers. And I opened up the website, and there was my face staring right back at me. 所以那一天我们就这么做了。很快6个月变成了4个月，然后2个月，然后1个月，TED工作人员发布了演讲者的照片，我打开网址，看到自己的脸，我的双眼直勾勾的看着我，And guess who woke up? So the Panic Monster starts losing his mind, and a few seconds later, the whole system's in mayhem. And the Monkey -- remember, he's terrified of the Panic Monster -- boom, he's up the tree! 大家猜猜这个时候谁醒了。惊慌怪兽像发疯了一样，几秒种后，整个系统全乱套了。这时候猴子——还记得吗，他是最害怕惊慌怪兽的，一溜烟窜到了树上!And finally,finally, the Rational Decision-Maker can take the wheel and I can start working on the talk.终于，理性决策者重新掌回了方向盘，我也终于可以为这个演讲开始工作了。Now, the Panic Monster explains all kinds of pretty insane procrastinator behavior, like how someone like me could spend two weeks unable to start the opening sentence of a paper, and then miraculously find the unbelievable work ethic to stay up all night and write eight pages. 所以，惊慌怪兽解释了拖延症患者的很多奇葩行为，比如像我，有时候整整两周，都没法写出论文的第一句话，会突然奇迹般的找到职业操守，通宵整晚，把8页论文都给写了出来，And this entire situation, with the three characters -- this is the procrastinator's system. It's not pretty, but in the end, it works.以上三个角色的整体情况，就是拖延症患者的系统，虽然并不美好，但最终也有效果。This is what I decided to write about on the blog a couple of years ago. When I did, I was amazed by the response. Literally thousands of emails came in, from all different kinds of people from all over the world, doing all different kinds of things. 这是我几年前决定在博客上和大家分享的内容。写成之后，大家的反应很让我惊讶，我收到了上千封的邮件，寄信人来自世界各地，从事各行各业的不同朋友，These are people who were nurses, bankers, painters, engineers and lots and lots of PhD students.And they were all writing, saying the same thing: "I have this problem too." 有护士、银行家、画家、工程师，还有很多很多的博士生。他们都在写同一句话：“我也有这个问题。”But what struck me was the contrast between the light tone of the post and the heaviness of these emails. These people were writing with intense frustration about what procrastination had done to their lives, about what this Monkey had done to them. 但真正让我感到触动的，是我博客的轻描淡写，和邮件的沉重文风之间的强烈对比。这些读者以非常沮丧的语言，告诉我拖延对他们的生活造成了哪些影响，告诉我猴子对他们都做了些什么。And I thought about this, and I said, well, if the procrastinator's system works, then what's going on? Why are all of these people in such a dark place?我思考了一下，问道，既然拖延症患者的系统是有效果的，那到底哪不对呢？为什么这些人都置身黑暗之中呢？Well, it turns out that there's two kinds of procrastination. Everything I've talked about today, the examples I've given, they all have deadlines. And when there's deadlines, the effects of procrastination are contained to the short term because the Panic Monster gets involved. 原来，拖延分为两种，我今天所说的拖延和所举的例子，都是有截止日期的。一旦有了截止日期，拖延的影响会被限制在一定时期内，因为后期惊慌怪兽会出现，But there's a second kind of procrastination that happens in situations when there is no deadline. So if you wanted a career where you're a self-starter -- something in the arts, something entrepreneurial -- 但还有第二种拖延，这种拖延是没有截止日期的，所以如果你想在一些领域内自学成才——比如学个艺术或者创个业——这些事情开始都是没有截止日期的，there's no deadlines on those things at first, because nothing's happening, not until you've gone out and done the hard work to get momentum, get things going.因为开始不会有什么变化，直到你拼尽全力，辛勤投入，才会有一点起色，你才能看到进展。
There's also all kinds of important things outside of your career that don't involve any deadlines, like seeing your family or exercising and taking care of your health, working on your relationship or getting out of a relationship that isn't working. 除了工作之外，还有很多其他重要的事情，也是没有截止日期的，比如看望家人、锻炼身体、保持健康、维系感情，或者从一段不合适的感情中抽身。Now if the procrastinator's only mechanism of doing these hard things is the Panic Monster, that's a problem, because in all of these non-deadline situations, the Panic Monster doesn't show up. 如果说拖延症患者处理这些困难的唯一机制，是惊慌怪兽的话，那就有问题了，因为在这些没有截止日期的情况下，惊慌怪兽是不会现身的，He has nothing to wake up for, so the effects of procrastination, they're not contained; they just extend outward forever.没有唤醒他的条件，所以这一类拖延的后果是没有限制的，他们会不断地肆意延伸。And it's this long-term kind of procrastination that's much less visible and much less talked about than the funnier, short-term deadline-based kind. It's usually suffered quietly and privately. 和有截止日期的好笑的短期拖延相比，这种长时期的拖延，更不易被人察觉，也更少被谈论到，And it can be the source of a huge amount of long-term unhappiness, and regrets. 他常常在无声无息中折磨着人们，可以说是大部分长期抑郁和悔恨的根源。And I thought, that's why those people are emailing, and that's why they're in such a bad place. It's not that they're cramming for some project. It's that long-term procrastination has made them feel like a spectator, at times, in their own lives. 我想，这也是为什么这些人会写信，为什么状态这么差的原因吧。他们并非在为某个项目临时抱佛脚，这种长期拖延使他们有时感觉，自己只是生活的旁观者，The frustration is not that they couldn't achieve their dreams; it's that they weren't even able to start chasing them.让他们沮丧的不是他们没有实现梦想，而是他们甚至还没有开始追寻梦想。So I read these emails and I had a little bit of an epiphany -- that I don't think non-procrastinators exist.That's right -- I think all of you are procrastinators. 我读着这些来信，忽然有一种顿悟——我觉得非拖延者是不存在的，没错，我认为你们所有人都是拖延者，Now, you might not all be a mess, like some of us, and some of you may have a healthy relationship with deadlines, but remember: the Monkey's sneakiest trick is when the deadlines aren't there.当然你们可能不像，我们有些人这么混乱。你们有些人可能与截止日期保持着良性的关系。但记住：猴子最狡猾的伎俩，发生在没有截止日期的时候。Now, I want to show you one last thing. I call this a Life Calendar. That's one box for every week of a 90-year life. That's not that many boxes, especially since we've already used a bunch of those. 最后我想给大家看一个东西，我称之为“生命日历”。这里的每一个格子都代表90年生命中的一周，格子数并不是很多，尤其我们已经用掉了许多。So I think we need to all take a long, hard look at that calendar. We need to think about what we're really procrastinating on, because everyone is procrastinating on something in life. We need to stay aware of the Instant Gratification Monkey. 我想我们需要好好花时间，认真看看这个日历。我们需要想一下，我们真正在拖延的是什么，因为每个人在生命中都有拖延一些东西，我们需要警惕及时行乐的猴子，That's a job for all of us. And because there's not that many boxes on there, it's a job that should probably start today. Well, maybe not today, but ...You know. Sometime soon.Thank you.这是我们所有人的任务。因为这里的格子数并不多，所以或许我们今天就应该行动起来，或许不一定是今天，而是尽快。谢谢。